Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Practicing What I Preach

I had plenty of time yesterday to write about my date with bachelor #1. I just didn’t know what I should say. It was a pleasant enough date. He’s a nice guy. He’s from Ohio. (I was watching the Daily Show recently and Jon Stewart said something about everyone from Ohio being nice and I think that’s right to a certain extent. All of the people I’ve ever met who grew up in Ohio and then moved to NY have been exceptionally nice people. I can’t speak for the people who live there now.) We had plenty to talk about. He talked a bit too much, OK – much too much, but a lot of people talk too much when they’re nervous. He emailed me yesterday morning to say what a good time he had and to send me a bunch of links to things we’d talked about. Very nice.

But there was no discernible chemistry between us. No spark. It took me all day to decide what to do. Should I reply and if yes, how?

I eventually sent a pleasant if lukewarm response. And then I was ashamed at myself. I started to think of one of the very first posts I wrote. I talked about the fact that people here in the city don’t give each other enough of a chance, that if there wasn’t chemistry right away we were too quick to walk away and that maybe chemistry wasn’t the most important thing to be looking for at this point in my life. More than maybe, probably.

He immediately replied to my bland email. I’ve decided to send him a robust and enthusiastic reply full of links and good cheer and say that I’d like to see him again (as he’s already said that he would like to see me again). He’s a decent man. I should give it more time before I chuck him on the reject pile.

On that note, I have a date tonight with a guy who has been trying to get me to go out with him for over a year. I have no good reason for not wanting to before. No good reason. One of the categories of guy that I’ve tended to stay away from in the past are guys who are too much like me. Guys with jobs a lot like mine and backgrounds like mine. There’s something really unsexy about all of that sameness. I’ve always been attracted to guys from different fields and different places who hold a core of similar tastes and interests. But tonight I’m challenging that, trying to be open-minded. What’s the worse that can happen? I have a . It won’t be the first one and it probably won’t be the last.

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2 to “Practicing What I Preach”

  1. lisaq says:

    Hmmm…perhaps I should take a lesson from this and follow your lead. I had a first date the other night that was less than stellar even though he was a nice guy. Maybe I shouldn’t write him off so quickly.

  2. cjw666 says:

    I know you won’t accept this, but trust me, it’s true. It’s going to be hard to find eveything you want in one guy, just as it’s hard for most guys to find everything they want in one woman. Sure, you should perhaps give it a second shot and maybe even a third, if it feels like you’re making progress, but if the chemistry isn’t there, then it isn’t there and nothing is likely to change that.

    I know you’re looking for a long term all singing all dancing relationship, but this guy sounds like the sort of man who might turn out to be a real good long term friend and, if that’s enough, then maybe he’s your man. If not, well maybe you should think long and hard about whether someone who ‘clicks’ with you is ever going to be the right sort of man to spend a large chunk, if not the rest, of your life with. Possibly, one guy will ‘do it for you’, but no way could you live with him, whereas another would be great as a life partner, but just doesn’t turn that switch to ON! What are you going to do? Settle for one or the other? If so, which? There’s nothing wrong with YOU. It’s just the way it usually is if we were truly honest with ourselves – and that’s why there is so much infidelity even when couples love each other. I dare say you don’t believe me and I’m sorry if it upsets you, or even your friends and fellow bloggers, but think on it. You’re looking for that one in a million, perhaps more. I hope you find him, but most people don’t. They just kid themselves they have.