Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

The Truth

I wasn’t going to write about this because it’s embarrassing. More embarrassing than the stuff I usually write about. But if I didn’t write about it it would’ve been just like lying because this is the biggest thing that’s going on in my /dating/relationship world right now. And I don’t lie.

So here goes.

Today would be my anniversary with someone who hurt me a lot. We weren’t together for very long. It as one of those silly – jumped in too fast and then realized how wrong it was relationships. What hurt more than it ending was how it ended and how he behaved in the months that followed. He was a really . He continued to hurt me over and over, whether he meant to or not.

Anyway, I’ve had this date on my radar for weeks, even though I’ve had so many other big things going on in my life. I wanted to pretend it wouldn’t matter. I wanted to pretend I didn’t even notice. I wasn’t going to mention it to any of my friends or anything.

Those best laid plans…

The last few days have been rough for me. Really rough. I don’t know if I’d be in a better emotional place if I wasn’t sick all weekend and therefore trapped inside (it was nice out and I couldn’t go out and enjoy it) or if things with my big writing project were going better. I don’t know. Maybe if one of the other guys I went out with recently weren’t such a flake I might have weathered it better. But as things were, I’ve been a mess.

And so I realized what I needed to do. I needed to stop hating him. Really stop hating him. When I thought of the anniversary date, I wasn’t remembering the good things from our relationship and wishing for him back. I was churning over all of my anger. All of that anger and hatred were/are taking up space inside of me and I need to be free of them. I’ve said this before. I’ve said that I’m over him. And it’s true, I’m over the good . But now I have to get over the bad .

So I did the craziest thing I could think of doing, the only thing that I thought might be appropriate. I called him and told him I forgave him. I told him I didn’t want to hate him anymore. It felt really, really good.

Anyway, that’s my for today. No funny stories. Just me being kind of pathetic.

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7 to “The Truth”

  1. JollyRoger says:

    The only thing you can do is give up the hate. It doesn’t make the hated feel bad at all, but it’ll eat a hole in you big enough to drive a Cadillac through.

    You did the right thing. Yo carried yourself with grace and honor, and that’s what you should reflect on, instead of the unfortunate side of things.

  2. cjw666 says:

    You did exactly the right thing. Sure there were probably good times, and maybe the guy turned out to be a heel, but no one is worthy of the energy and emotion it wastes for you to carry on the hate like that. So, keep on remembering that you’ve let the past go, otherwise he’s still controlling you and perhaps that’s what he wanted in the first place. Past is past, however bad. You can’t change it, only the future. Well done. Good for you.

  3. lisaq says:

    Well you go girl! I’m impressed! Not an easy thing to do. I’ve been there, in that falling too fast place, and it seems those break ups are the hardest…at least for me. You handled the residual feelings perfectly. Nicely done!

  4. Anonymous says:

    Wow – I cant believe that you called him and forgave him – especially since he really, really hurt you. You took a higher road than I would have. I would have never, ever have talked to him again and would pretend that the anniversary really never happened but it would just eat me up. You should be proud of yourself.

  5. kira says:

    Hurt is never an easy thing to deal with and facing that hurt head on can be the hardest part. The good news is that you are already a leg up because you recognize your anger and realize that you have to deal with it rather than shutting it up inside and attempting to pretend it doesn’t exist. Avoidance is never the best method. Calling him was no doubt difficult, but it was quite possibly a vital step in moving past your anger.

    Kudos on doing what most of us would never have the guts to!

  6. SINgleGIRL says:

    Thank you all for your support on this one. I wasn’t sure I’d done the right thing. I knew it felt good, but I was afraid it might have been a bad move in some way. I’m glad to know there are folks out there who don’t think I’m a completely insane loser.

  7. Oldbuddy says:

    You miss one important point, he’s not the one that made you hate, that can only come from within. The decision to release it can be unilateral, so you didn’t need him at all. You sound like a great girl, but I’m already married for 38 years already and in the other corner of the country. Otherwise . . .