We’d been dating for about 3 weeks and in that time had already seen quite a bit of each other by NYC 30/40 something, busy professional standards. He’d spent the night at my place 3 nights that week and had taken to calling me most mornings as he was on the way to work, to tease me about my morning grumpiness and to see if I’d overslept, again.
Things were going good, until I realized that they weren’t. Three weeks, a handful of nights at my place, practically daily phone calls and I still hadn’t seen his apartment. Everyone knows that a man who doesn’t show you his home has something to hide (or more often, someone). I didn’t want to jump to conclusions because I liked this guy, but the evidence seemed pretty damning.
He called me to talk, just hours after my revelation. I didn’t come right out and accuse him of anything. What I did say was something vague about knowing that something wasn’t right. That I had a sense that he was hiding something from me, and that if I continued to feel that way I was going to get tired of waiting for him to tell me what it was and just walk away. I suck at confrontations.
Anyway, his reply was classic. “I’ve never lied to you. I am divorced. From my first wife.”
I can almost hear you groaning. Just to repeat that – for clarification. He hadn’t lied when he told me he was divorced because he was, from his first wife. Not, however, from the second wife, with whom he still lived.
His story was actually pretty complicated. He and his then wife were going through a pretty messy divorce and custody battle and were ‘legally’ separated at the time. There were legitimate reasons for them to still be living together (even still, there’s a little part of me that believes in him). But his marital status wasn’t his only issue (go figure) and I’ve still never forgiven myself for continuing to see him after that conversation (Yeah, for months. I can be quite a chump.)
The moral of this story kids, if there is one, is to go with your gut. I knew he was lying to me, And I know that relationships based on lies can’t be successful. I just let myself be swayed.
Tags: divorce, ex-boyfriend, liar, nyc