Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Circling Back Around

I’m finally back in town, completely (physically and mentally, 7 days a week). It seems like it’s been forever. I’ve started to reschedule some of those dates I had to scratch, though not all of them. The time away has made me rethink some of the guys. They don’t all seem as appealing as they did before.

In preparation for the first few dates (I know, I’m making it sound like I haven’t been on a date in months, instead of 2 and 1/2 weeks) I’ve been thinking a lot about how to be more successful with this whole dating/relationship thing. Really, it’s amazing I’m not better at it. I’ve had a lot of trial and error and in general I’m pretty good at learning from my mistakes. I think my issue here is that I learn the lessons without putting them into practice.

Thinking back to my Rules, Schmules post, I know that there is a risk of having with a guy too soon. will cause me to turn a blind eye to all kinds of faults and issues. And since I believe that people don’t change (see my last post, Scorpions) then I’ve got to avoid getting attached to someone until I figure out whether or not I can live with him, really live with him, as is. Can we work together, do we compliment each other or will we inevitably drive each other crazy?

And then of course there’s the fact that it’s now been months since I’ve gotten laid. I’m like a timebomb waiting to go off. How am I supposed to exercise good under these conditions?

This is the shit I think about when I’m not dating.


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3 to “Circling Back Around”


  1. lisaq says:

    Yeah sex is a relationship blinder…especially for us women. It causes us to do all kinds of stupid crap. The first of which is to imagine we might have feelings for some assclown we don’t even really like. It’s crazy!

    I heard a line on TV last nigh (yeah, I’m not goin’ on that many dates) that applies. The Universe gives us lessons. If we don’t learn them, it whispers at us. If we still don’t get them, it shouts. And if we still don’t, it gives us a big shove. Learning them is easy. Really putting them into practice is a whole ‘nother thing again.

  2. Christoff says:

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    Regards,
    Christoff Gouws
    Cycling.ZAVibes.com

  3. cjwss says:

    I think I know exactly what you mean (you explain things very well). I read your blog quite often and I love it.
    Just a thought, though, it seems to me that you’re not really looking for a date each time, but a live in (life?) partner – that’s a whole different thing. Maybe you should take a step back and devise a sort of hierarchy of three or so ‘categories’ (more if you want) for your relationships. You could move the candidates between them as seemed appropriate to you. The categories don’t have rules, YOU do! So, it doesn’t matter what category a date ends up in. They always start of in 1 and maybe you move them to 2 and then 3 (live together?). You can even move them back from 2 to 1, but I suppose if they reach 3 and then drop out, I guess they’re going to have to be classed as a lost cause and dumped altogether.
    The beauty of it is, because the category depends on how YOU feel about them over all and over time and nothing else and because there are no rules specific to a category, you can screw a guy on the first date, if you want to, or not, just as YOU please – and there are lots of other freedoms like that too. Just do what you feel, but it has nothing to do with what category you finally feel the guy deserves.
    OK, so I’m joking, but it might work for you because I think you worry too much about the men and not enough about yourself!