A friend recently asked me to weigh in on an issue related to her husband. My reply was, “he’s exactly the man you married”. Now, I wasn’t trying to be evasive. My point was this – he hadn’t changed a bit. The things that are driving her crazy now were clearly elements of his personality when they met way back in the stone ages. She just chose to overlook them, or hoped he would change, or pretended they weren’t such a big deal.
And then I reminded her of the story of the scorpion and the frog. You know the one where the scorpion asks the frog to ferry him across the river, and the frog initially says no because he knows the scorpion will sting him? Well, the scorpion convinces him to do it anyway, convinces the frog that he will go against his nature and not sting him so that they can both get across the river safely. Of course, the scorpion can’t go against his nature, he stings the frog, and they both die.
A lot of my relationships have been like that.
The thing is, when they fail, I really can’t blame the guy, can I? I mean, scorpions sting. It’s what they do. If I know that a guy has some fatal trait, something that’s going to make it impossible for us to work together, and I throw myself into the relationship anyway, then I can’t very well blame him when we both wind up on the bottom of the river.
I’m pretty sure my friend didn’t like that analogy. I wasn’t suggesting her marriage was doomed. Just that she knew exactly what she was in for when she said “I do”. People can’t (or don’t) change who they are. The most you can hope for is a scorpion with non-poisonous venom.
Tags: exes, guy