Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Disappointed

So last night I got a call from this guy I’ve been flirting with via email. We first met online a few weeks ago and I have to admit that, despite myself, I was developing a little crush on him. He’s not the most attractive man I’ve met this year (or even this month) and he has his share of , but there’s something about him that I find kind of hot.

He knows that I’ve been caught up with stuff (I canceled a planned date) and suggested we talk on the .

Now, I usually skip the phone thing altogether. I realize this puts me in the minority of online daters. The usual path is – meet onsite, exchange some messages, email a bit offsite and/or chat on the phone and THEN if you’re both keen set a date to meet. I happen to think there’s not a lot to be learned from a phone call with a virtual stranger. Some people come off great on the phone, some don’t. Some people jabber when they’re nervous and the lack of human contact makes it worse. I personally hate talking on the phone as a rule, with anyone. I like to see a person’s facial expressions, etc.

And I guess I’m not one of those overly cautious, paranoid types who’s afraid to meet some guy I met online for a drink. It’s just a drink in a public place. It’s an hour of my life, maybe less. What’s the worse that can happen? OK, I know the worse that can happen. But no guts, no glory.

So the guy, I’ll call him The Writer, as that’s what he is, called me last night. Talk about a let down. It was the dullest, least scintillating conversation I’ve had with a man in years. I made a lame excuse to get off the phone when I couldn’t take another second of it.

Later, after we talked, I realized that I was seriously that our call went poorly. I’d been looking forward to meeting this guy. Really looking forward to it. More than I like to let myself do. Normally I try to go into first dates with no expectations, that way I can’t be . But there I was last night, over a lousy phone call.

Anyway, I’ve decided to give The Writer another chance if he wants to give me one. Like I said earlier, I don’t think phone calls are good indicators of much. This one was really bad. That doesn’t have to mean anything. Other than I got my hopes up and had them dashed over some guy I haven’t even met yet. That can’t be a good sign.


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3 to “Disappointed”


  1. cjw666 says:

    I’m glad you’re giving it another go. As it happens, I’m a writer too (definitely NOT the same guy) and I think I communicate quite well that way most of the time. Like you, though, I hate phone conversations – they tell me nothing about what the other person really means or is thinking and I either babble or don’t know what to say at all. Writing, I usually have time to consider if what I’ve written says what I mean. Face to face, there are expressions, body language, tone of voice, the odd little grin and all the rest. That’s nice. Good luck!

  2. lisaq says:

    I’m right with you on the phone thing girl. Right there in the minority with you. I think giving it another shot is a good idea. Some people just suck at phone calls. Face to face may be a whole ‘nother thing again.

  3. Mick says:

    Yup – agreeing with cjw & lisa. This guy could still be a dud, but you can't go by the phone call.

    Doesn't getting your hopes up suck though?

    Have you been in touch with him again?