Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Dating in the Slow Lane

So last night was my third date with necking guy. For those of you who are just reading this blog for the first time, here’s the quick info on necking guy – good first date: fun, smart, interesting, cute (in a white bread kind of way that I don’t usually go for, but I’m trying to broaden my horizons), a little touchy and a quick kiss but all pretty innocent and sweet. Maybe too sweet. I kind of expected him to say, “Aw, shucks”.

Things heated up on our second date, but only slightly. We went out to dinner and had a nice conversation. He grabbed my hand and held it and played with it during dinner – sweet but again, almost too sweet. After dinner we went for a walk (we were a short walk from his apt, btw) and ended up at a local playground, swinging on a swingset. He pushed me on a swing for a good five minutes and then we ended up necking like a couple of kids, in the park with nowhere to go for privacy.
So last night was our third date. I had to be in my neighborhood until 8:30, prior obligations, and so I suggested we meet for a late dinner somewhere near my apt. We had a lovely dinner at a place of his choosing( I suggested he choose a place and that caused quite a mini drama of indecision on his part) and after dessert I suggested we go for a walk. I aimed us towards my apartment.
When we reached my building I stopped for a few minutes to see how he would react. He stood there, like a fool, a good two feet from me. So I had no choice, it was up to me. I asked him if he’d like to come up for a few minutes. I almost didn’t, since he wasn’t even making an effort (and I like my guys to be the ones to do that stuff) but I did.
We went upstairs and within a few minutes we were on my sofa kissing – very, very slowly. I’ll spare you most of the details, but here’s the summary. An hour and fifteen minutes later we were still on the sofa. Still kissing. Most of our clothes were still on (my shirt was gone but as I decided to dress kind of slutty, it was only a little, lacy tank top anyway). I was determined to let things proceed at his speed, as frustrating and bewildering as that was for me. An hour and fifteen minutes of making out on the sofa with most of our clothes on – that was his speed.
At that point it was 12:15 and I was tired. Just plain tired. So I told him it was time for me to ask him to leave. And he actually protested. Meekly, but he protested. A feeble, “are you sure you want me to go?” Jeez, he’d been there for over an hour already and we were still in the slow lane. When was he planning on making a move? I’d worn my slutty, I-want-to-get-laid tank top and then invited him up to my apartment and he was too clueless or slow or, lord knows what, to close the deal. Really, I don’t think it’s me. I wasn’t being unclear. I was sending out all the right signals.
Whatever the issue was, miscommunication or different expectations, I don’t think I’m cut out for dating in the slow lane. The guy’s sweet, sure. But all of his sweetness is getting on my last nerve.

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4 to “Dating in the Slow Lane”


  1. abonny says:

    I’m afraid we’ve got so many guys out there in a spin, they don’t know what to do for the best. If they try to get fresh, they’re sexist perverts and if they don’t they’re wimps. Trouble is, you kind of have to spell things out for them these days (they’re not very bright at the best of times – especially when it comes to working out what women want). Perhaps you should see if there’s a stick-on tattoo of some kind you can get that you could put on your boob – say just under the nipple – it should say something like, “If you got this far with my permission, go for it, I WANT IT ALL!” What do you think?

  2. cjw666 says:

    I like Abonny’s idea. Sounds good to me and it would save a whole load of confusion. However, to be serious for a moment – well fairly serious – the more you mature and become experienced, as you so rightly say in your bio, the more you realise you know nothing. But you also get used to being on your own and living your way. That makes it harder to find a long-lasting relationship because you realise more and more (even if it’s only subconsciously) just how much you value your independance. Sure, you want a relationship, but the only person who’s not a total pain in the ass to live with is either you, or someone so like you that you’d be bored out of your skull.

  3. NYC says:

    Ok, I get that you want the guy to take charge a bit; but as clear as you were that you were into it, he was equally clear that he was not going to be a make-the-move guy.
    So there you both were, wanting the same things (those being: sex, and the other person to make the move)

    For you not to make the move, or at least come out and say you want him to – and in so doing short changing yourself of a.) the experience of sex and b.) the knowledge of whether it might click with this guy – well, I don’t get it. I’m sure that abonny is right and he’s just worried, based on whatever past experiences, that he might make a false move and wreck it.

  4. TiNi K says:

    Maybe he is one of those rare people who love making out more than making love..personally I prefer the former to the latter, too. Everyone’s different, I guess..great blog, I’ve bookmarked you.