Real stories about dating and relationships in New York City. Truth is more interesting than fiction.

Online Dating Survival – Lesson #1

It’s not about you.  No, I’m not about to go off on some pseudo-religious tangent.

When you’re , you always have to remember that whatever happens, it’s not about you.

  • If you wink at someone and they don’t acknowledge it – it’s not about you.
  • If you send someone a message and they don’t acknowledge it – it’s not about you.
  • If you’re having an email conversation with someone and they just stop replying – it’s not about you.
  • If you discuss meeting someone out for a drink/dinner and then they suddenly disappear (and you never end up meeting)- it’s not about you.

If you’re going to survive online dating and maintain a sense of sanity and humor then you can’t take any of it personally. Remember, none of it has anything to do with you until you’ve actually met the person/people in question.  Until then, everyone is just making guesses and assumptions about each other based on incomplete information and frequently misleading pictures.

Take me, for example.  I almost never reply to guys who write overly cutesy profiles.  No poetry, no waxing rhapsodic, no lyrics to love songs.  And there are certain books that are pretty much deal breakers for me (the site I use asks about the best book you’ve read recently). If a guy writes The DaVinci Code or The Secret, I’m not likely to be interested. And I don’t care how genetically blessed a man is, if he uses a picture of himself leaning against a sports car or a boat then there is no way in hell I’m going to reply (I call those the ‘boys with toys’ shots).   These examples are just the tip of my iceburg, btw, my ‘list’ is pretty long.  Not that that’s a good thing.  It just is what it is.

Maybe I’m being a closed-minded idiot.  Maybe some of the guys I haven’t replied to over the years have been wonderful, caring men who could’ve made me really happy.  I don’t think so, but maybe.  And maybe some of the guys who haven’t replied to me over the years would’ve fallen head over heels in love with me if they’d only taken the time to get to know me. Whatever.  I’ll never know, so it’s not worth thinking about.


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