Here’s a bad but useful simile for you. My single-ness
is like a chronic health condition. I’ve been suffering from it for years, and sometimes it goes away for a stretch, weeks or months, when I’m in a relationship. It just always seems to come back. I long for the day when I can kick it for good, when instead of just going into a short term remission I find the cure. In the meantime, I’ve learned to cope with its less pleasant symptoms.
This is one of the longest, driest spells I’ve had in years. My last relationship ended in January. That’s 7 months without a boyfriend, or more specifically, 7 months without a regular sex life. And just to add insult to injury, my reliable fuckbuddies are no longer reliable.
Now don’t be shocked. Please! We’re all adults and we all have needs (and some of my needs can’t be met by little electronic devices). There are a couple of men who I’ve known for a while, both of whom are decent sorts, attractive, good in bed, but not boyfriend material. Not for me, anyway.
Being sexually fulfilled helps keep me balanced and sane. I truly believe that I don’t function as well as a person when I’m frustrated. Not just me. I think most people need sex, need more sex to be at their best (and when I look around at the mess our world is in, and the uptight nutjobs who run things, I feel even more certain of this). I need my fuckbuddies because sex is important to me and because good men are so hard to find in NYC
For the last few months, I’ve been left in a truly stressful situation. FB #1 is in a LTR for the first time in years. I’m happy for him, really I am. He’s a nice enough guy and I only want the best for him, but damn, his happiness comes at my expense. FB#2 has been wrapped up with a new project at work for months. We keep making plans to meet, but they consistently get cancelled or rescheduled. If a girl can’t count on her fuckbuddies, who can she count on? I guess I could go shopping for a new fb, but that would take time away from my primary goal of finding a new BF. No, I guess I’m just temporary out of luck. The symptoms will have to go unchecked for a little while, and I’ll have to learn to live with even less balance in my life. Oh well.