I have a date in a few hours, nothing big, just a late afternoon coffee break. This will be my tenth first day in three weeks. I want to be clear here, this is nowhere near a record for me. I can recall hitting 5 first dates a week for a month solid a few years ago. But I’m older now and, well, it’s getting kind of old. Still, there’s a part of me that’s looking forward to it. I am ever hopeful and always, for each and every date, walking into them willing to take the leap of faith that this is going to be the one – the guy who will be the very last guy I go on a first date with. At least for a very, very long time.
For now, just a few words about the sum total of those other nine dates. No contenders so far, but I think it’s helpful to look at the breakdown. Of the 9, most of them were truly decent guys. Nice, smart, attractive, somewhat successful in the fields of their choosing. Some were very successful. There was only one horrible jerk in the bunch (spent the night bragging about his material wealth, dropping the names of all of the famous people he’s met and asking inappropriate sexual questions – guys, if any of you are reading – these are not good things to do on a first date). And one of the other guys had posted a REALLY old pic on his online profile (he was now 3 or 4 years older and at least 40 lbs heavier), but that’s par for the course. The others were for the most part all perfectly nice, confident, secure, and seemingly honest.
If we all lived in a small town somewhere, most of them would have turned into second dates. Who knows, I might’ve ended up in a relationship with one of them. But this is NYC and we are spoiled for choice. Everyone is looking for perfection, for a magical spark of chemistry within the first 2 minutes. And if it’s not there, then there’s no point in seeing each other again. Hell, even when it is there, sometimes there’s no second date. Sometimes there’s more chemistry than you can believe, but then you realize that the guy just wants to get laid. And well, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but right now I’m really focused on meeting someone for a LTR and I don’t want to get distracted by flings, and so I send them packing. Anyway, my point, if I had one, was that I kind of believe that the whole instant chemistry thing is a hoax. I didn’t spark with any of the men I met in the last few weeks. None of them made me feel weak in the knees. But I’m willing to admit that maybe that’s not the most important thing two people need to make a relationship work. I’ve had disastrous relationships with lots of men with whom I’ve had amazing chemistry. I’m looking for something deeper, now, something more substantial. But it doesn’t seem to matter what I want, because I’m still dealing with the same pool of guys and they have the attention span of your average first grader. No chemistry? Move along.
So 9 dates down and no contenders. Maybe my coffee break man will be the one?
Tags: chemistry, dating, LTR, nyc, Online dating, Spoiled